Take off my shirt, loosen the buttons and undo my skirt
Stare at myself in the mirror
Take me apart, piece by piece
Sorrow decrease, pressure release
I put in work
Did more than called upon, more than deserved
When it was over, did I wind up hurt?
Yes, but it taught me, before a decision, ask this question first
Who am I living for?
Is this my limit? Can I endure some more?
Chances are given, question existing
Who am I living for?
Is this my limit? Can I endure some more?
Chances are given, question existing
I don't know what it is that makes it so hard to let go. this is getting a bit ridiculous. i just want to be able to breath. i feel like everywhere i turn there you are. you're so inundated in my family that even though we aren't together anymore i still get asked about you. people still assume that we're together or on really good terms. truth be told we just got back on good terms. all i really want is some peace. of mind. of body. and of spirit.
I haven't been taking good enough care of myself and that needs to change. I'm wearing myself into the ground for everyone else but not doing what i want to do for myself. that is absolutely absurd. this week i finally started taking time out for myself and doing what i wanted to do and it feels great.
Today i decided to throw myself an independence party and only a select few will be invited. the gift i am giving myself is one that is very intimate and will not be shared with many. some will judge or make assumptions based on my gift, but that's their personal hangup. I am just fine with my new journey of self-discovery and self-exploration. If i don't please myself then who will? Who really cares more about me than they do themselves? See my list has been quite long, that list of people i would put before myself on a daily, when I should've been at the top of my list. How crazy is that?! I'm positive that i don't top anyone else's list. But how could I not top my own? Yes. Changes are in order. For the good of my mental stability. For the good of my health. and for the good of the world because if I keep getting the Heisman or crapped on at will by any and everyone because they feel like they can...then the world will be in a lot of hurt when i finally do explode. I haven't done so yet. But I will soon if I don't make some changes.
Ways to keep the world intact:
- I have decided to take out some "me" time everyday. I don't care if its 20 minutes to sit down and write or read. i don't care what it is but something needs to be done
- Dating myself. So just because I'm not in a romantic relationship I'm supposed to sit around at home all the time until I get a significant other? That line of thinking is played out and I won't give in to it anymore. So if it means that I date myself and take myself out then so be it. If it means that I hang out with friends then that's what i'll do. No more sitting around doing nothing.
- Accentuating the positive. everyone has their ups and downs but rather than focusing on the downs I plan to focus on the positives. its so necessary.
- I always come first. If I don't want to do it, it's no longer going to get done. I'm looking out for me becuz the list of people who are truly watching my back is quite limited. It is what it is, no beef, I'm just not going to over extend myself anymore
- Standards. setting and keeping standards can be a very daunting task but it's one that I am going to take on head first. I can't stand wishy washy attitudes or goals in life. everyone is here for a purpose. fulfill your purpose and keep it moving. I no longer want people in my life that are just there. Do something. Don't just stand around taking up space. Actually serve a purpose, Sincerely Management