Superman,
I value your presence in my life greatly. We have been a part of each other's lives for a very long time. You've helped me through some tough times and I like to think that I've helped you get through some hard times as well. You're more important to me than I could possibly show you. I try my best but I'm almost positive the sense of urgency, the strong need to have you, couldn't be demonstrated with mere words.
Lately I've been feeling at a loss for words behind the way you make me feel. Up until a few days ago I couldn't quite put my finger on it but now I know what it is. Simply put, I love you. I know I tell you on occassion and you return the favor, but I'm not entirely certain you know what I mean when I tell you that I love you.
I love you means that I think about you constantly. I wonder how you are doing, where you are, and if you're alright. I means that I worry about you even when there is nothing wrong, I'm just all around concerned for your well-being. I sleep well and rest easily whenever you wish that for me. Your presence always makes me feel better. Sometimes you don't even have to fysikally be in the room; the memory of your presence is enough to ameliorate my mood. I smile from my spirit whenever I'm near you. I seldom get mad at you and whenever I do it's short lived because I look into your eyes and can't seem to remember what I was upset about in the first place.
I used to wish with all my might that you would love me. I used to not be able to tell whether or not you did or how much. Now I know for sure that you do. I don't question it anymore because I can feel it. I feel like I hurt you when I was in my relationship, not because I was trying to be happy, but because I removed myself from your life, for the most part. I never meant to hurt you, I just wanted to be loved and happy. I didn't realize that I was being loved exactly where I was. I had this preconceived notion that Love comes in this ordinary little package that is easily recognizable. I couldn't have been more wrong. You are love. Love is you.
I am afraid of you. I fear you because I love you. You see me, sometimes more clearly than i see myself. You always seem to know what I stand in need of. You are supportive of my dreams and goals and encourage me. You even get excited for me when i reach my goals, telling me that you always knew I could do whatever I set my mind to. All of these things are much appreciated and petrifying. You have the ability to elicit this wave of calm. Whenever we're together all of the outside world seems to disappear. Whatever was hurting me or making me upset or angry is left at the door and my spirit becomes at ease. I miss you whenever we're apart and would probably miss you if I never even met you.
Sometimes I pretend that I'm your woman and you're my man. When I get home at night you're already there waiting on me or you would arrive home soon thereafter. We'd have dinner together and cuddle up on the couch until it were time to call it a night. When that time came i wouldn't have to go to sleep alone anymore, you would be right there beside me. Your face would be the last I'd see every night, your voice the first I would hear everyday. I just want to be wherever you are. Allure to my senses. Dwayne Wayne to my Whitley Gilbert. Superman to my Wonder Woman. Body guard to my Amazon.
Whenever I try to tell you my voice just gets caught in the wind and somehow never makes it to your ears. I tried again a couple of days ago. I said that I wanted you for Christmas. What I should've said is that I want you, period. Even if it's just for one minute, if that's all that's left of you, thats what I want.
I'm sure the magnatude of everything i've said has hit you hard. Some of my words my shock you, others will just confirm what you've always felt radiating from me.I just know that if I don't express how I really feel that I will regret it.
I pretend to be ok with playing the field out of fear of admitting how it is I really feel. The truth of the matter is that I would gladly commit myself to you if you wanted to commit yourself to me. Much like I felt before, I don't know if you would commit yourself to me if I asked for it.The fear of your rejection is paralizing. I feel like I will always wonder about all the "what ifs" of love and life if I never tell you how i feel so I'm telling you now. Right here in black and white. I love you, I need you, I want you.
Wonder Woman
himi don't know if its even possible to look someone in the eye and say all of these things. If I could I would've done so already. i would put this in the mail to him right now if I thought it would reach his heart any quicker. I'm still deathly afraid of making my feelings known. Maybe I will tell him, one day...